An Incomplete List of Things the Federal Government Should Stop Using Thanks to Apple

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In the latest salvo of the ongoing Apple vs FBI salvo, Florida GOP congressman David Jolly has introduced a (doomed) bill banning the federal government from purchasing unpatriotic, terrorist-loving iPhones. Taking this logic to the extreme, here’s a more complete list of products that should be boycotted.

By the deadline for filing amicus briefs today, a who’s-who of Silicon Valley companies have voiced legal support
for Apple’s position. If we assume, therefore, that Rep. Jolly would also support a boycott of those companies and their products, here is a short list of things the federal government will no longer be able to use:

  • Computers containing an Intel processor
  • Twitter (send comments to @USRepDavidJolly)
  • Facebook (remember to like Congressman David Jolly)
  • Phones running Android
  • Computers running Windows
  • Windows Phone devices
  • Gmail, Outlook, Yahoo Mail, Hotmail, or any email hosted on a Microsoft Exchange server
  • Yahoo! Answers
  • YouTube
  • Websites or services hosted on Amazon Web Services
  • Mobile or landline internet from AT&T
  • WhatsApp, Snapchat, or Instagram
  • Networks using Cisco hardware
  • Nest thermostats
  • Dropbox or Box (or Google Drive, iCloud, Flickr, or Microsoft OneDrive for that matter)
  • eBay
  • Reddit
  • LinkedIn
  • Chrome, Internet Explorer, Firefox, or Safari

If you can think of any other 9/11-supporting, ISIS-loving technologies to boycott, feel free to email Congressman Jolly. I’m sure he’ll love reading your messages on his AMD-powered Linux machine via AOL.

[Ars Technica]